One thing I have been looking forward to over this whole pandemic experience is the return to normal human interaction, and, for me, lover of all things French – its people, its language and its traditions (especially those which set it apart) normality has to include the traditional “bise”. So, imagine my surprise – and dismay – on reading in the paper this week that apparently its likely demise is being predicted. I can well understand how the French have suddenly felt themselves liberated from its constraints – it can indeed be exhausting having to “kiss” everyone in a social group, and, quite frankly, not always very pleasant . However, as an “outsider” I can see the many social advantages of the “bise” which I would urge all French people to consider before allowing the fabric of their society to change for ever.
As a Brit with a long association with France, in particular Brittany, I’ve been fascinated over the years to observe and participate in this wonderful French custom. Not only have I personally benefited from the ritual, by feeling included and accepted in a group on an equal footing, I have also found it to be an immense equaliser and a great ice-breaker: in any social gathering, the bise is carried out at the beginning and at the end, with no distinction made between children and adults. Indeed, I’ve often wondered if this tradition explains, at least in part, why there is less of a generational gap in France than in the UK.
Having brought up our 3 daughters in both environments – French and English – I’ve been in a prime position to observe the different social interactions in each country. Whereas I can easily visit a friend at her home in the UK without catching sight of her offspring (happily ensconced in their bedrooms) I have never experienced the like in visiting a French friend, where any youngster in the house will come forward – willingly – to say hello by giving me the bise – before retiring to their room, returning later to say goodbye by the same means. How much easier for children (and adults alike) to know what is expected of them by following a clear and simply defined social code, rather than shying away from social interaction or worse still, standing awkwardly, not knowing how to respond . How many times have I, even as an adult, stood uncertainly, waiting to decide how to approach someone. Do I shake hands? Do I stand politely and smile? Do I hug?
Perhaps this is a question I would ask my French friends to consider:: in ditching the “bise” what are you going to replace it with?
